Minutes from 09/08/08
As I no longer have any plausible excuses for putting this off, the following piece of historical fiction is in fact based on actual events.
We began the first program board with a few words from our benevolent dictator, Kyle Murray (prez.) Kyle, I’m sure it’s not easy being the bad guy. The public hates you, and no wonder, fed as they are a steaming stream of media bile that maliciously misrepresents all your plots and machinations. All you have is your minions, who do your bidding. (But out of fear and not out of respect.)
With that said, I think a few introductions are in order.
Surely we should start with the purse. Birnie takes care of the dough(treasurer) and with what little spare time she has left over it is rumored she can be seen hawking her Mathematical and French papers on Canal.
Frustrated by the many cretins and tomfools he has encountered in daily life, Mike Crowley has devoted himself to a life of motherhood, hockey and hunting. A regular pitbull with lipstick in meetings, Crowley always arrives on time.
Brenda. Brenda. Brenda. It is eternally true that a certain kind of woman is attracted to a bad man, and BRenda has had her share. I will provide a list of names, and why they had to die. I also have a very funny story about Brenda and Lindsay Lohan.
I’m tired now and while writing these soul crushing mini bios for everyone would be entertaining at a few irritating epithets, it is interminably boring at a few hundred words
For now you will have to settle for a litany of names and titles. Mallory :New Music , Raisa-Film Series, Jamie, Lectures, Mary and Alex: Publicity, Sophia: Pre-Release,Brigitte: Student Arts, Charlie: Visual Arts, Max– Membership, K(G)B :Performing Arts. If you have questions you should stop by the office. One meeting in and I’m already asleep at the wheel.
And now, for a special September 11th edition, a few words on waterboarding.
Is it pretty? No. Does it work? It appears to. So what’s the big deal? I myself have been washboarded. It’s true. I used to live downstairs from an oldtimey band. I assure you, it was not torture. It was torturous, yes—especially at three in the morning, what with the banjo and the jug and the high, whiny singing—but torture?
Something to think about… Ok. I’m going to go play some Jenga.
Lovingly,
Willa “Wild Thing” Thompson
Secretary